Duelists and Hamsters
by Lady Miasma Angelique D'Sang
Summary: What happens when randomness is mixed with boredom. Yu-Gi-Oh!-Hamtaro crossover. Run for your very sanity.
1. The Great Idea

Disclaimer: I dun own nothing. Noooooo-thing! ^_____^ I just felt like being random.  
  
  
  
Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Tea, and Mai are sitting in the shop, thinking of buying Grampa a pet for his (Random Number)-th birthday! Meanwhile, Hamtaro and friends are toddling around when an evil hamster hoarder captures them in a big hamster-proof cookie jar! Oo;;  
  
Boss: -falls on his head in the cookie jar- Ah, shit, my head hurts!  
  
Hamtaro: Dude! Remember, man, keep it PG!  
  
Penelope: -toddles around in the cookie jar, which is like... a palace to her- Oookwee! Penelope learn new word! Shit shit shit!  
  
Bijou: Penelope!  
  
Oxnard: -falls on Penelope & crushes her- Uh oh...  
  
Penelope: SHIT!  
  
Everybody: -sweatdrop-  
  
~*~ MeAnWhiLE ~*~  
  
Mai: Why should I get him a pet? He's your grandfather....  
  
Yugi: Because--  
  
Joey: -cuddles Mai- Because I love you....  
  
Mai: -scuttles away- Watch the threads, man!  
  
Yugi: Yeah, and he's my best friend!  
  
Mai: -sigh- Alright, alright.  
  
Tea: Let's get him a cat!  
  
Tristan: It might eat him.  
  
Tea: The cat will not eat him! -tries to whack him in the head, but instead hits his hair, which had a whole bottle of super-hold hair gel in it, and breaks her hand- DAMN YOU!  
  
Yugi: Dude! PG! Kelly put this story under PG for a reason, you guys!  
  
All: Who?  
  
Yugi: -sweatdrop- Nevermind...  
  
~*~ MeAnWhiLE ~*~  
  
Evil Hamster Hoarder, who is from now on known as Bob: I shall get money for you at pet store! They will sell you as pets!  
  
Jingle: -randomly starts playing his guitar and sings- We're captured, so captured, in a cookie jar! Being sold to a pet store he are!  
  
All, except for Stan, who started dancing: SHUT UP! 


	2. Hamsters and Hoes

Disclaimer: I still own nothing, except for an adorable Bijou plushie~!  
  
Bob sold the Ham-Hams to a random pet store, but the owner almost rejected Penelope because of her new found potty-mouth. Yugi and friends are on their way to, ironically, that same pet store. Woah! Funny how things work out. ^___^''  
  
Yugi: Let's get him a dog.  
  
Tristan: The dog might eat him too.  
  
Tea: -raises her unbroken hand to smack Tristan in the head again but decides against it- No it won't, you baka!  
  
Tristan: I'm not a baka, you're a baka!  
  
Tea: -tackles Tristan-  
  
Joey: Wahoo, man! Catfight! Hey Tristan, my man, try getting her shirt off!  
  
Tea: JOEY! Kick him where it hurts for me, Yugi!  
  
Yugi: Well, okay... -slowly raises foot-  
  
Joey: GAH! -runs off clutching his prized posession-  
  
~*~ MeAnWHiLE ~*~  
  
Hamtaro and friends are in a cage together. Boss is whacking the glass with his shovel, trying to break free.  
  
Boss: Damn, break already!  
  
Penelope: Damn damn damn! -giggles and toddles around-  
  
Cappy: I love my hat!  
  
All except Penelope and Boss, sounding ticked off: We know.....  
  
Snoozer: -perks up momentarily- Here's an idea, try climbing out the top you idiots, and while you're at it, shut up so I can sleep! -goes back to sleep-  
  
Mai and Yugi walk into the store, while Tristan and Tea are flailing around on the ground. Tristan's tugging at Tea's shirt. Mai walks over to Hamtaro's cage. Howdy looks up.  
  
Howdy: Well, howdy-ho!  
  
Mai: -goes red in the face- You little rat, you called me a ho! -reaches into the cage and grabs Howdy, strangling him-  
  
Howdy: Agghhh....Let...me...go! -chomps into her hand-  
  
Mai: -shreiks and throws Howdy across the room, who lands on Yugi's shoulder-  
  
Hamtaro: Oh no, the freaky hair guy has Howdy! We have to help him!  
  
Dun dun DUN! 


	3. Penelope the Potty Mouth

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Am I allowed to stop writing these yet, because it's getting kinduh annoying...and I don't think I'm going to magically start owning Hamtaro and Yu-Gi-Oh anytime soon....  
  
When we last left out mental patients -cough- I mean, heroes, Mai was hopping around with her finger bleeding from a little hamster bite, Howdy was on Yugi's shoulder, Tristan was trying to pry off Tea's shirt, and I was saying 'Dun dun DUN!'  
  
Yugi: -looks at the hamster on his shoulder- Aw, look how cute!  
  
Howdy: You're adorable too.  
  
Yugi: -shreiks like a girl and flings Howdy across the room- Demented talking Ham-Hams!  
  
Howdy: AHH! -falls into a Komodo Dragon's cage- Holy..... GUUUYS!  
  
Komodo Dragon: -chomp-  
  
Howdy: -from Komodo Dragon's stomach- Uh...guys? This wouldn't be a good time to mention I'm claustrophobic and desperately afraid of the dark, would it.  
  
Hamtaro: Oh, shit, when the job application said "Little hamsters wanted for big adventures", I didn't think they'd be this damn big...  
  
Penelope: Shit!!  
  
Pashmina: Dude! Stop teaching my little sister cusswords! What the hell!  
  
Penelope: HELL!  
  
Pashmina: -sweatdrop-  
  
Hamtaro: Ha-ha!  
  
Dexter: According to my calculations, the cage walls are about six inches high and a quarter inch thick. So Boss, you can stop hitting the wall now.  
  
Boss: Oh, okay. -stops hitting the wall-  
  
Oxnard: Hey, food! -toddles over to little food bowl-  
  
Cappy: I love my hat!  
  
All: WE KNOW!  
  
Yugi: -walks over to the hamster cage- Are they talking?  
  
Mai: BANDAID! BANDAID!  
  
Joey: -runs into store and up to Mai's side with a bandaid- Your bandaid, my love.  
  
Mai: -blinks at him strangely-  
  
Tristan: -runs in with Tea's shirt- WE HAVE THE SHIRT!  
  
Joey: All right! Tea: -runs in without her shirt on- Bastard, give me that! -snatches shirt away-  
  
Yugi, Joey & Tristan: -staring at Tea's chest-  
  
Tea: Oh, grow up...  
  
Sandy: -jumps up and down- Save us!  
  
Tea: Is that hamster talking?  
  
Sandy: DID YOU JUST NOTICE THAT?!  
  
Pashmina: No need to get angry around the children!  
  
Penelope: Yo, bish, who you be callin' a child, gurl, I ain't no child, I am a grown woman, uhuh.  
  
All: -stare blankly at Penelope-  
  
Penelope: I mean.....Ookwee!  
  
Yugi: Did that one hamster curse out that other hamster?  
  
Joey: Hey! -runs over to cage- They're the ham-hams!  
  
Mai: The who?  
  
Tristan: -whacks Mai in the head- The Ham-Hams!  
  
Joey: Don't hit my woman! -whacks Tristan in the head, only to break his arm- GAH! DAMN YOU!  
  
Yugi & Bijou: PEE-GEE THIR-TEEN YOU DIPSHITS!  
  
Bijou: -looks at Yugi-  
  
Yugi: -looks at Bijou- I want that one.  
  
Tea: -hugs the cage- I want them all!  
  
Penelope: DIPSHIT! 


	4. The Great Bob Fight and Dirrtyness

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh, Hamtaro, and all are copyright 4-Kids Entertainment and their respective owners. I do not own anything but the plot. Now how's THAT for a fancy disclaimer!  
  
A/N: Well good lord, didn't that take a long time... Anyhow, I've made a resolution to finish all the fictions I started. I'm thinking I'll go up to 10, maybe 15 with this one. This is my most popular story, so... Oh yeah, sorry to the people who think I'm being too vulgar. I didn't think I was, but whatever. Penelope is supposed to be vulgar here, it's her part in the story. So...sorry if you didn't like it, I'm afraid you'll just have to stop reading here. Thanks, and on with the show!  
  
Narrator who we'll from now on call Bob: When we last left our-  
  
Evil Hamster Hoarder Bob: I thought I'm Bob!  
  
Narrator Bob: No, I'm Bob!  
  
Evil Hamster Hoarder: There's only room for one Bob in this town...um...Story!  
  
Narrator Bob: Then scram, kid!  
  
Evil Hamster Hoarder Bob: Kid! I ain't no kid!  
  
Kellie (Me): -storms in- Enough already! Narrator is Bob 1; Hamster Hoarder is Bob 2.  
  
Narrator Bob: La-dee-da, I'm the first Bob!  
  
Kellie: ENOUGH!  
  
Bob 1 and Bob 2: .... -mutter- Yes ma'am.....  
  
Bob 1: Ahem! When we last left our friends, Penelope was cussing, no surprise there, and Tea was going to buy all the hamsters! ....Pah, the idiot...  
  
Mai: -pets her bandage- Go ahead, buy them all. The next one that bites me is going to be breakfast for my cat.  
  
Boss: Well you cat can meet my shovel you-  
  
Pashmina: DON'T SAY IT!  
  
Boss: --Brat?  
  
Pashmina: Ehehehe.....-scuttles into a corner-  
  
Stan: OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED HOWDY!  
  
Sandy: BASTARD!  
  
Penelope: BASTARD!  
  
Pashmina: GAH!  
  
Penelope: Dipshit bastard OOKWEE!  
  
Yugi: -cocks head at Ham-Hams- They're strange...  
  
Joey: They're cute. -puts a donut in their cage-  
  
All: DONUT! -all dive at donut-  
  
Tristan: Look at them fight! Ouch, that can't be healthy....  
  
Hamtaro: -thinking it's the donut, Hamtaro bites down on Sandy's back-  
  
Sandy: Feisty....  
  
Tea: -blinks at them all- Interesting...  
  
Hamtaro: Uh...uh....PG-13! -runs to a corner and starts cleaning himself- I...feel...so...dirty!  
  
Christina Aguilera: Did someone say Dirrty?  
  
Tea and Mai: NO! -shoves Christina away-  
  
Bob 1: DUN DUN DUN! 


	5. I still don't know what's going on

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. I'm working on it, though.  
  
Joey & Tristan: -staring at Christina-  
  
Yugi: But I am pure and innocent, I do not goggle at pop stars' chests.  
  
Penelope: -cowers at the sight of Christina...and I don't blame her...-  
  
Christina: ...What? Is it my hair? Isn't it fabulous?!  
  
All: No...  
  
Cappy: Did this woman JUST fall off the turnip truck or something?  
  
Stan: I like turnips....  
  
Christina: Turnip truck? Where?  
  
Cappy: -.-' I'll take that as a yes.  
  
Joey: You like turnips? I'll get you turnips. You can have aaall the turnips you want, doll. -goggle goggle-  
  
Mai: JOEEEY!!  
  
Joey: !  
  
Tea: -snigger-  
  
Mai: -slaps Joey around a bit-  
  
Yugi: And I am still pure and innocent..  
  
Pashmina: -tying her scarf around Penelope's eyes so she doesn't have to look at Christina anymore-  
  
Penelope: Shit! -walks into the wall of the cage- Oookwee!  
  
Pashmina: O.o..  
  
Sandy: Avert your eyes, I must pee!  
  
All: o.0;;;;;;;;;;  
  
Sandy: Especially you, Hamtaro!  
  
Hamtaro: SQUEEK! -cleans self more-  
  
Sandy: I SAID AVERT!  
  
---censored-ness--- 


End file.
